My God, Why Have I Forsaken You?

Psalm 22 says, “My God, my God, why have you deserted me?” A question I can’t ask, because more often than not, it seems to me to be the other way around: My God, my God, why have I deserted you? Each morning, I decide to spend more time with God, listening for Him, talking with Him, reading and studying to become wiser in how to trust him, how to be merciful to all others, and, most of all, how to have a pure heart.
Each evening, I close my final prayer promising to move closer to God the next day, but the next day is no different from the previous. I hurriedly dress for my morning walk, squeeze a little gardening in between breakfast and morning chores or errands. In no time, lunch needs to be spread on the table, and a kitchen must be cleaned from morning meals and dirtied in preparation for the evening meal.
The afternoon? I must answer e-mail where I find temptations to work on my family history, to explore the latest Gaither or Ernie Haase music, or meet obligations for Covenant’s archives or one of my groups. If none of these begs my attention, certainly family and daily responsibilities do. In any case, time to read, meditate, or listen for God rarely arrives. So, rather than me, it must be God who is saying, “I call all day, but you never answer.”
The Sabbath, that day to keep Holy and Wholly for “Space with God,” is no different. Even now, I write, but it is frustration writing, not meditative writing. I want more music, singing praises to God, but I fear embarrassment if I play or sing alone, and I don’t find running away to be an appealing alternative.
Time WITH God, Space FOR God, both are more elusive than love. Are “God” and “Love” synonymous?